Saturday, March 1, 2014

03/01/2014

     Made it through another February. The only remaining dates of significance on the horizon regarding Curtis is this coming Friday, which marks what would have been his 28th birthday, and March 15th, the day of the Curtis Workman Hoops Classic Basketball Tournament. In the early years, we often commemorated his birthday with pizza and cheesecake (two of Curtis's favorite foods) and visits with many of his friends. As the years have rolled by, our focus has shifted more from the day he died to the day he came into our lives. The pain of losing him has diminished to the point where I'm now able to focus more on the good memories and positive legacy he left behind and less on all that we lost when he was taken from us. There will always be that nagging little ache from the empty spot in my life where Curtis should be physically, but the pain that so often threatened to overwhelm me is mostly gone. It still pops up occasionally, oftentimes unpredictably, especially so during this time of the year, but I've learned to better deal with it. It no longer catches me so much by surprise, threatening to incapacitate me. I'm now better equipped to focus more on the positive memories and that wonderful legacy that has become part of our son's life, and ours, as well.
     The basketball tournament has been a source of great comfort to us through the years, especially since it has usually been held during this time of the year, so closely following all the days when it's impossible for us not to focus on our loss. Curtis played in this same tournament when he was a student at Southridge Middle School. His coach, Dave Gabonay, gave one of the eulogies at Curtis's funeral, and dedicated the 2001 Tournament in Curtis's memory. We kind of believed at the time that that probably marked the end of our association with Southridge and Coach Gabonay, but we were wrong. He kept in touch with us during the early months of our journey, and at one point asked us if it would be ok with us if they renamed the tournament in honor of our son. I was overwhelmed with gratitude. It had never really occurred to me that someone would want to honor our son in such a way. As plans for the 2002 Curtis Workman Hoops Classic began to develop, it occurred to us that this might be a good opportunity to raise some money for the Curtis E. Workman Memorial Scholarship that we'd already set-up at Ontario High School. We decided to run the snack bar at the Tournament as a fundraiser for the Scholarship. With the exception of one year when, due to circumstances beyond anyone's control the Tournament could not be held, we have been doing this ever since. We run the snack bar, we provide Tournament T-shirts to the championship teams, we have a chance to address the crowd during the awards presentations, and we see friends and family who have supported us so much through all these difficult years. It can be exhausting at times, but it has also become an exhilarating time for us every year. I don't think that people who have never lost a child can possibly imagine how much it means to us to have our son's life remembered in this way. It still amazes me that after so many the years the Tournament keeps getting better and better. We owe so much to Coach Gabonay. I know that somewhere Curtis is smiling.