I'm not exactly sure why it's been so long since my last posting, but today, Father's Day, seems to be an appropriate day to resume. I think partly I was feeling overwhelmed by some of the emotions I was feeling (even after all these years) as I was attempting to blog for the first time through the months of February and March. Many of the feelings of those first dark days without Curtis came flooding back, and I found myself still not wanting to deal with some of those things all over again. Also, my back pain really flared up just after the tournament (a related issue?) and my class at school became very difficult to deal with. All in all, I found it difficult sometimes to focus on other things, including my blog.
We made it through what would have been Curtis's 28th birthday. As I've mentioned before, as time has passed, we have consciously attempted to focus more on the day Curtis came into our lives, rather than on the day he left us. I found myself wondering again what our son and his life would be like at such an age. Would he have his own family? Would we be grandparents? What kind of work would he be doing? Where would he be living? Obviously, such questions have no answers, but I can't help sometimes thinking about these things.
This year's Curtis Workman Hoops Classic Basketball Tournament was another big success. As always a great big "thank you" to Coach Dave Gabonay, the staff and students of Southridge Middle School, the staff of the Fontana Unified School District, and the staff and leadership of the City of Fontana Community Services Department for making it possible for the tournament to not only continue on every year, but to keep getting bigger and better. It means so much to us. It has become a tremendous highlight of every year to us.
The tournament also makes it possible for us to continue awarding the Curtis E. Workman Memorial Scholarship each year to a deserving student from the Ontario HIgh School instrumental music program. As usual, we received many excellent applications. It's always difficult to narrow it down to one person, but we were again pleased to be able to recognize a deserving student. It brings us an amazing feeling of pride and satisfaction to be able to help a student continue their education. It's wonderful to be able to honor our son's memory in this way. It keeps alive for us and others what Curtis's life was all about.
As I reflect today on my life as a father, I actually feel a great sense of peace, finally, after so many years of turmoil since Curtis's death. I am so proud of my surviving son and daughter. They are both amazing people and are continuing to work at making all of their dreams come true. They've each traveled their own difficult road to where they are today. I regret to say that I haven't always been there for them in the way they deserved me to be in these last years, but I hope to make up for that as we journey onward. I've made a kind of peace with my loss of Curtis, at least most of the time. I believe very strongly that, for whatever reason, his mission on this earth was done, although, in many ways, he still has a very positive influence on the lives of people he touched while he was here. I'm now able to be grateful for the time he was with us, for all the wonderful memories he left behind, for the positive way he touched (and continues to touch) so many lives, and just for the incredible honor and privilege it was to be his father. Although he is gone from us physically, he is always with me, every moment of every day. I will always be Curtis's father, forever. The honor is all mine. I love you, Curtis.
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