08/20/2013

   Before leaving the cemetery to go to the reception at the high school, we said goodbye to my brother and his wife. They needed to head back home. When we got to the high school we were again amazed at what people had been doing for us behind the scenes. The food and drinks were all set up on the tables and several of the band booster parents were already helping serve the guests. We had yet more people to greet and thank for their support. I really don't remember much about that time, except that the reception served its purpose in that it allowed some people to pay their respects who hadn't been able to be at either the visitation or the funeral services. Eventually, it became time to head home, but we had another problem-the limo driver had dropped us off at the school-we had no way to get home. Of course, there was no shortage of people willing to help us. We loaded cars with the leftover pizza and sodas. Our local supermarket (the one I'd gone to just a couple of days after the accident when I felt I was about to lose my mind) had donated all the bottles of soda. A local pizza restaurant had donated all of the pizza, as well. We hadn't even had time or energy to realize just how much we had been enveloped by love and support from so many different segments of the community, but we had been lifted up by it all, nonetheless. Several people accompanied us to our home to make sure we were all ok. As they left us to go to their own homes, they all left carrying pizza and sodas. I felt a gaping emptiness deep inside as I pondered the reality of our new lives. Curtis was really gone and never coming home. I felt a horrible stab of panic as it suddenly dawned on me that by this time Curtis would have been lowered into the ground. He definitely was once and for all forever beyond my reach. My precious, beloved, beautiful son, whom I'd tried my best to guide and protect, was gone for good. I didn't know if I could bear to go on living if it meant facing that knowledge every moment of the rest of my life. I wasn't sure if I could live with the intense pain that had become part of every breath I took. The horror of our week was mostly complete now, but we did have one more funeral to attend. The last service for the three friends would take place the next morning. I needed to somehow find the strength to get through one more funeral.