09/21/2013

   I had made the decision that I would go back to work the day after what would have been Curtis's 15th birthday. That would be three weeks to the day since the accident. I would only have to teach for two days that week. That would allow me to ease back into my classroom routine. Would anything ever seem routine again?  Before I had to face that day, we had decided that we wanted to mark our son's birthday by sharing two of his favorite foods, pizza and cheesecake, with the students in the high school band who had been so supportive of us. We got permission from the band director and showed up at the school during the band students' lunch period. It felt so good to be able to share this time with all of those young people who had shown strength and compassion beyond their years. It felt good, that is, while we were with the students, but afterwards, as we cleaned up to head back home, that now all too familiar feeling of emptiness came back. This was all well and good, to try to find ways to honor and remember our son, but what I really still wished was that none of it was necessary. I still wanted my son back. In the coming days, we would find many ways to memorialize Curtis, most of which are still ongoing today, but there's always that nagging thought in the back of my mind, "Why did this have to happen?"