Monday, February 17, 2014

02/17/2014

     Well, we made it through another February 15th. It actually turned out to be an OK day. My wife and I went to the cemetery to put flowers on the kids' graves and to clean their headstones. In the evening we built a fire in the portable fire pit, set it out in the driveway, and spent about four hours around the flames. This was one of the things the kids enjoyed doing when they were alive, and we've tried to continue the tradition as a way of remembrance whenever we can. A couple of our dearest and most supportive friends came by to spent part of the evening with us. It was a very positive time. We received many messages of remembrance and support through social media and phone calls during the day. It's still amazing to realize in how many different ways people were connected to Curtis. Even after all this time we are still learning about new connections people had with our son, and what a positive impact he continues to have on the lives of so many. It's also amazing to me that while many of the milestones that have come and gone during my grief journey are somewhat jumbled to me as to what happened when, the events of that terrible first week are indelibly seared into my memory. Of course, there was the first night when the accident occurred. The following day was when we went to the mortuary and cemetery to make arrangements, and the memorial prayer service was held that evening. The next day was Saturday when the nurse came by our house to tell us she had stopped at the scene to try to help. This was also the day when the parents who had been driving the car that night were released from the hospital and came back to the neighborhood. Sunday was when we first contacted the minister at the Methodist Church about having Curtis's service at his church. We also went back to the cemetery to see if it would be possible to have the children buried together. Tuesday night was the viewing service for the first of the kids, and we met with the minister to discuss details of Curtis's service. Wednesday afternoon was the first of the funerals, and Curtis's viewing service was that evening. Curtis's funeral was Thursday, one week to the day since the accident. The final funeral was the next day, Friday. I think I remember more details, with greater clarity, from that first week than from all the rest of my journey combined. But while I remember so much from that horrible time, I don't find myself dwelling on those details like I did before. When I do think of that week, I no longer feel the burning pain that so often threatened to overwhelm me. I'm now able to focus more on the positive aspects of those days: how so many people provided us with unconditional love and support, how kind and generous people were, how I began to realize, in a very real sense for the first time, how incredibly special our son really was to so many different kinds of people. As I continue my journey through this anniversary week of our loss, I'm able to find comfort and warmth in the thought that Curtis is still loved and missed by so many people. That brings true joy to my heart.

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