07/03.2013

   My wife needed to make some contacts as well, so I quickly dialed the number for the automated substitute teacher system to secure a replacement for me for the following day. In truth, I suddenly had for the first time in my teaching career absolutely no concern whatsoever with what my students would do in class the next day. I didn't know if I would ever be concerned about such seemingly mundane matters again. By the time we finished notifying the first people we felt would want to know and whom we needed to notify, my mom and stepdad showed up at our door. All my life my mom had had a way of making it seem like everything would be all right, but this time she had no words. We embraced without speaking. There would be time later to relate the awful details of our evening. For now, we just held each other. It had been a long time since I felt like I really needed a hug from my mom. I had been raised in a family that was not prone to emotional displays, but this hug I actually felt like I needed to the depths of my soul. My wife embraced her as well, and it was then that they both began to cry. I felt my own tears welling up as well as I turned to greet my stepdad. He and my mom had only been married for a few years at this time, but we'd known each other for almost 20 years. I had come to rely on his advice and wisdom many times over the years. We stayed up a while longer going over what had taken place. In spite of our anguished state of mind, exhaustion took over. I wasn't sure exactly what to do, but somehow it was decided that we could not let our son and daughter sleep alone that night. My wife would sleep with our daughter in our room while I slept with our son in his room. That felt right. Somehow my mom and stepdad would sleep in Curtis's room (this was where they usually slept whenever they spent the night with us). I fell into a fitful, restless sleep, hoping that somehow when I awoke  in the morning I would discover that this had all been a horrible nightmare. Obviously, that would not be the case.