07/16/2013

   Our next stop on this trip through our surreal new reality was at the cemetery. We were not going to have our son cremated, of that we were sure, so we needed to find a burial plot for him. Most of my deceased family members were buried in a cemetery some 30 miles away. We discussed this possibility, but as I told my wife, "Curtis didn't know any of those people. I don't want him buried with strangers. Besides, that's too far away". We had another, better option. My wife's parents and older brother were buried in a more locally located cemetery only about 10 miles away. I felt better knowing that Curtis would be with his grandma and his uncle whom he had known. I know that sounds crazy, but it certainly helped me to feel a little better at the time, and I was grasping for any bit of comfort I could find to help me deal with all of this. The only other factor to consider was that this particular cemetery was a Catholic cemetery, and we were not Catholics. However, we quickly decided that this was not a negative thing in our minds at all. As I said, it was more important to me that he be in a place with people he had known and loved in his life and who had loved him. I also liked that it was close by so we could go and "see" him whenever we wanted. My wife and I decided to get plots for ourselves at the same time ,since we had to do this for our son anyway. I guess being in shock helps you be practical even at a horrible time like this. This also brought me an odd sense of some comfort, since I knew my son would not be alone there forever. We decided on plots as close as possible to my wife's brother. All of this arranging had taken several hours. Someone in our group mentioned that we needed to get something to eat. I suddenly realized that I had eaten nothing since dinner the night before-the night my son was killed. I knew they were right, I shouldn't go without food, but I also knew I didn't feel like I would ever want to eat again. Right now all I wanted to do was get back home, back to our sanctuary, and try to hope that all of this still wasn't really happening. All through this terrible day, I had the thought in the back of my mind that sooner or later I would wake up and all this would prove to be just a nightmare. Unfortunately, of course, the nightmare that was my new life was all too real. When we got back home we found several media people wanting to talk to us.