When we got back home we were suddenly faced with several things that forced me to consider, albeit reluctantly, that all of this must be actually happening. If reporters from major newspapers and television stations want to interview you about what's happened to you, then I guess it must be real. Also, several plants and flower arrangements had been delivered, and my best friend's wife had a long list of phone messages for us (she had graciously offered to field our calls while her husband went with us to help us take care of business). I remember talking to a newspaper reporter on the phone, although I don't remember much of the conversation. The television interview does stand out in my mind, mostly because several people videotaped it for us, and I watched it again a few months ago on the anniversary of Curtis's death. Even after all these years, it's still jarring to me to view. I never expected to be on a major news program, especially not for such a terrible reason. I remember thinking at the time that these kinds of things only happen to other people, not to people like us. You see other people being interviewed on the news or read about them in the newspaper, and you feel sorry for them and wonder how they could possibly go on with their lives after such a tragedy. They always look so lost and dazed. Well, now those people were us. We looked lost and dazed as we tried to respond to the interviewer's questions as best we could. My wife and I have been through a lot in our years together, but I have never seen her look so hurt and stricken as she did during that interview, and I hope I never again see that look on her face and in her eyes. It was so painful to me to see her that way. I felt so helpless. Why had this happened to us? What had we done to deserve this? As Curtis's father, why had I not been able to protect him? Dealing with questions such as these would have to wait. I didn't have the energy to even ponder possible answers. There was still too much to deal with in the present time.
We were told that a memorial service for all three children was to be held that evening. I wan't sure that I had the strength to go; such a service would be another sign that all this horror was real.
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