07/23/2013

   When we heard that the parents were coming home, we went to our neighbor's house (this was the family who's son had also been killed in the accident), so we could all meet together for the first time. We now had such a horrible connection with each family. I had grown up with some of the people in this particular family when I was a kid before we all moved into the same area as adults. The parent who had actually been driving the car that night had also been a schoolmate of mine. It was odd how many different ways the families were connected, but it had mainly been all our children who solidified those connections. While we were waiting for the other parents to return from the hospital, we all got to talking about what arrangements had been made so far. One thing led to another, and before we knew it  our two families decided we wanted our sons to be buried together. It was at about this point in our discussions that the other two parents arrived from the hospital. I don't think they even went into their own house before coming to the neighbor's home. At first, it seemed like no one knew what to say. What was there to say? We knew they had done nothing wrong. The accident had been unavoidable due to the actions of the other driver. It was not their fault! In fact, that was everyone's basic message to them. They told us that they were fearful that everyone would hate and blame them. The wife said she had already thought that maybe they would have to move out of the neighborhood. We reassured them that none of us felt that way. We all hugged and held on to each other. Who else could understand what we were feeling? We all knew they were carrying a greater burden even than were the rest of us due to their physical injuries and the emotional load of guilt and trauma at having survived the accident that took our children from us. As we all tried to support each other, the discussion again turned to arrangements. Since they had just been released from the hospital, they had not yet considered much of anything. Now it was agreed upon that all three children should be buried together. I again felt a wave of comfort come over me. As silly as it sounds, it made me feel a little better to know that Curtis would not be alone in the cemetery. This decision did mean, however, that it would be necessary to return to the cemetery as a group to see if the staff there could make this happen for us. Something we thought we had finished was now another thing that needed to be taken care of. Again.