07/11/2013

   The time seemed to creep along that morning, while we fielded phone calls, made more calls to people we hadn't already notified, talked about what was happening to us, sat and stared vacantly across the room, received more visitors, etc. At one point, I asked our oldest son if he wanted to go up to the high school to be with his teammates on the baseball team. (It was a school holiday, and the team was supposed to meet for practice). He said yes, so my best friend (who had taken the day off from work to be with us, along with his wife) and I drove him up to the school. This was to be the first of many times I would pass through the intersection where our son was killed, (not counting the evening before when I didn't yet know for sure what had happened to our Curtis) although this time my friend was doing the driving.  I suddenly realized that this was the first time my son, Casey, had to pass through the spot where his brother was taken from him as well. None of us spoke, and we passed through the intersection and went on to the high school without comment. My friend said later that he felt badly that he didn't think to go another way to get to the school. I told him not to worry as I hadn't thought about it either. We were all operating on automatic pilot at that point, although there would be times in the future that I would go out of my way to avoid having to go through that intersection. When we got to the school (the same parking lot where I'd begun to panic the previous night), we found out that word of Curtis's death had already begun to spread. A couple of the coaches met us outside the locker room, expressing their heartfelt condolences. They also said that there would be no practice that day, but that the players were all inside the locker room if Casey felt like he wanted to be with them. Casey nodded (he still hadn't said hardly a word all morning), and went inside with one of the coaches.
The other coach stayed outside with us. I remember Casey was gone for quite awhile while we talked outside, but I can't recall what we talked about with the coach except to say that he was very supportive    of us and what we were going through. I do remember that he was one of the first people outside our regular circle of family, friends, and neighbors I felt connected to after Curtis's passing. I remember that as feeling very positive. I can't recall how long we were there or exactly how we got back to the house, but I know at some point we all went back home, because there was other business to get to-that appointment time at the mortuary was drawing closer.