07/24/2013

   Sunday morning. The first Sunday. Another day without my son. Another day of my new life. I wasn't sure how long I could keep this up. More family were scheduled to arrive today. It's funny how empty a full house can feel. I realized that I had only eaten a chicken leg and one roll since dinner on the night of the accident, but I did not feel hungry, nor did food seem the least bit appetizing. By this day people had begun bringing food to sustain us, but we were out of certain staples that we would need for our guests. It seemed pointless to me, since I had no plans to ever eat again, but I volunteered to go to the market. This was the first "normal" thing I had done in the last couple of days that was not directly connected to Curtis's death. As I picked up the few things we needed, I became more and more agitated. What were all these people doing here? Why was the store even open on a day like this? How dare they conduct business today! Didn't they realize what had just happened? Why was everyone treating this as a normal business day? By the time I got to the front of the checkout line, I was ready to explode. It was then that the checker, who often served us at this store over the years, asked the usual perfunctory question, "How are you today?" I stared at him blankly, not even able to formulate any kind of an answer. How am I? It was the first time since the accident that anyone had asked me that question.  I wanted to scream, "Why would you even ask me that? Isn't it written all over my face? How is it possible that my entire life has been ripped apart, yet everyone else be so totally oblivious to that fact? How can you not know? I'm struggling to figure out how or if I can survive this, but the rest of the world just goes merrily on?" Those were some of the things I wanted to say. Instead I just mumbled, "Fine," and got out of there as fast as I could. Of course, I realized on the way home that this was another thing I would have to get used to if I wanted to survive this whole situation. A few days later this store and its staff would support us in a way I could not have expected.
   Back at the house, we began to prepare, as best we could at this time, for the business of the day. The staff at the cemetery was willing to open the business office to accommodate our wish to have our three children buried together. However, that appointment would come later. First, my wife and I had to go to a local church to talk to the minister about the possibility of using their facilities and his services for Curtis's funeral. We had only been to this church one time before, but had really felt comfortable there.
Our home church was some 20 miles away. We wanted the services to be centered more locally so more of Curtis's friends would be able to attend. We were unsure at this point whether or not that would be possible. Eventually, things would come together in ways we could never have imagined.